She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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