the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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