We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
