Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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