Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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