one might say we're banned from that church
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
