Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize