Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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