I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize