I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
