just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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