HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
