He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
