He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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