he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
sarcasm needs its own font
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
