Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
