New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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