She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
