This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
