Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
