Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
