and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I touched a dick in church today
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
