Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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