I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
