Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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