so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
