Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
