things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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