based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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