Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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