why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
