I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
