Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
