My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize