i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
