Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
