Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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