I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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