did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
