I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
