you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
