Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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