I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
