why do cheetos always look like penises
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
