I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
