he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
