did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
