You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
