I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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