sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
