The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
