fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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