is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
