Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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