he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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