i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
