im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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