If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
