It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
