my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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