When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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