I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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