Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
