I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
