Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to calm my uterus...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
