watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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