so that wasnt chicken after all
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
