one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
