even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
