I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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