Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
