i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
